Within the Chaos

Our home is chaos most of the time. I like to think it is organized chaos, but if I want to be honest I have to admit to myself and others that at least 51% of the time it is unorganized chaos.

Now add a new schedule to the mix. A schedule that I feel like I need to set a timer for. It is reminiscent of the days of having a newborn. The days I lived my life by the clock. I know it is still early on, but it is such a familiar feeling that my sleep is affected. Crazy how our minds and bodies can remember such emotions and feelings!

In the chaos I have my rocks. There is my God. He is always there. He was in that room when the doctor was talking to me, telling me what I knew I was going to hear but did NOT want to hear. He was there when I had to NOT cry and put my big girl panties on and walk out of the clinic past all the other parents with their children who were so much more ill than Lillian. Many of them hooked up to heart monitors, in wheelchairs or other visible illnesses. Yet, I was walking out with my spunky, curly haired, flirty, walking, smiling, bouncing, laughing Lillian who "just" has Asthma. He was there.
Then there is Chad. He was there when I got home late that first night. Dinner had been made, given to the older girls, bathes ready to go, homework done, dinner waiting for me and Lillian and the list could go on. He was there when I finally was able to let my guard down and let the reality set in. He is there day in and day out as we learn our new routine and schedule. He is just there for me and our girls.

Our Madison. Or should I call her the "babysitter." She has gotten up with Lillian each morning very early and read to her when she can not sleep because of the medicine. Madison has always been a morning person so it is not "hard" for her, but it is still not something that was asked of her. It is something she wants to do. What an act of service.

Our Hannah. What a quiet tender heart. She has been the one who has not expressed many emotions through it all. Lillian and Hannah have a very close relationship. Most people who do not know our family mistake them as twins. Hannah is Lillian's protector, best friend and little mommy. She would do anything for Lillian. In a way, I think she embraces Lillian's asthma diagnosis better than Chad and me right now. She is there with hugs, snuggles and loves not only for Lillian, but Mommy.

Finally, Lillian. What a trooper. She has never once fought the inhalers. She willing does what needs to be done and cooperates with our requests. Lillian loves wearing her backpack that has her "emergency/backup" inhalers for when we are away from home. She even took part in picking out the bag that hold the spacer and inhalers. What a blessing to have such a trusting child.

Within the chaos of our home we have our rocks. They are my kiddos, hubby and our Lord! Without them I would be lost and a hot mess. (Well, more than I already am.) Our family is not boring. We are always on an adventure. It is the adventure of life. We can choose to complain and ask WHY or we can praise Him is the now and move forward and see the blessings all around us. If we focus on the little things around us we will miss the blessings ahead of us. Let us be seen choosing the blessings and praising Him and not focusing on they "why." For that is for Him to know and maybe for us never to understand.

Time to dance is the chaos, or should I call it: RAIN!